Iâ€™m 49, divorced plus in new relationship (8 months) Progressing nicely and heâ€™s lovely but We suffer with extreme relationship anxiety that will be really getting even worse longer Iâ€™m seeing him. Terrified from it no longer working down, suffer with low self confidence and a part that is big of seems it might be easier merely to end things now to avoid myself getting hurt. The main problem is we reside over an hour or so or so aside so weekends must be prepared and spontaneous social gatherings maybe not feasible. We have a great time but he finds it impossible to sleep in the same bed as me (he claims he gets restless legs) so we end up sleeping apart and I miss the closeness and canâ€™t sleep for worrying when we are together. Because of the right time weâ€™ve invested two nights together Iâ€™m utterly exhausted and invested and feel really down between visits. We now have discussed residing together however in a â€œcouple of yearsâ€ and we genuinely donâ€™t discover how Iâ€™ll cope with the interim duration. We both have demanding jobs and older children at home so lots to the office around. We canâ€™t help feeling that i will be feeling less anxious right now however the stress is perhaps all consuming and Iâ€™m miserable for a lot of the time Iâ€™m maybe maybe maybe not with him. I am aware that isnâ€™t a appealing quality but We canâ€™t appear to shake it well.
In the event that anxiety of stress is causing you to be exhausted after spending some time together, i am struggling to see any pleased future for you tbh.
I am only a little unsure concerning the legs that are restless. We have this occasionally, but I would personally state it gets the possible to bother DH a lot more than me personally. I am wondering if you’re subtly being held at arm’s size right right here? In which particular case, that is why you’re feeling a bit ‘off’ about this.
we now have talked about it in which he claims thereâ€™s nothing incorrect but in addition has seen this is certainly a phenomenon that only happens when heâ€™s in bed with me personally (or to become more accurate has occurred with anybody apart from their spouse . divided 36 months ago) Heâ€™s got an infinitely more safe accessory design than me personally and evidently does not really contemplate it a issue. And, yes. the stress is crippling but I’m sure much is always to do with my history/past that is own rather what heâ€™s doing. Heâ€™s generally attentive, type jswipe dating site, communicative, thoughtful. if just a little detached. Iâ€™ve told him just a little about exactly how Iâ€™m feeling and then he did respond well but him the whole truth heâ€™d think Iâ€™m absolutely mental and Iâ€™m worried about coming across as too needy if I told.
Heâ€™s significantly detached and you also appear to have an attachment style that is anxious. Regrettably those two designs usually do not work very well together it means heâ€™s losing interest or not as committed as you will always question or worry or read into his words/actions and think.
Heâ€™s significantly detached and you also appear to have an attachment style that is anxious. Unfortuitously those two designs try not to work nicely together because you will constantly concern or worry or read into their words/actions and think it means heâ€™s losing interest or perhaps not as committed.
This. Often two different people could be lovely and great simply not appropriate. It is rubbish but it is reality of life i am afraid. This mixture of accessory needs is normally a recipe for tension and anxiety.
I do not think the sleep thing means such a thing apart from he desires to rest. Perhaps it is a courteous reason that you snore or move too much because he doesn’t want to tell you. Some individuals are particularly light sleepers.
Instead of worrying all about whether or otherwise not the connection can perhaps work, give attention to doing things on your own – workout, classes on the web, self enhancement. Discover something good to spotlight so when he’s with you, simply have some fun and relish the full time.
Christ this does not seem like a huge barrel of laughs does it?
No concept in regards to the restless legs thing – maybe just take that at face value.
You state you have been together 8 months – therefore all through lockdown? I would personallyn’t be speaing frankly about living together as of this time .. this relationship appears to be causing you more anxiety than perhaps perhaps maybe not – you certainly do not need me personally to let you know that whenever a relationship is right, there is none with this tactile hand wringing and angst
You’ll want to end it as you say – you’ll push him away in the end anyway if you carry on if you truly feel as bad. Or offer your self some kind of breakdown. It might become more sensible to focus on your own house and children and get your self to a much better spot mentally before considering dating
You do not feel safe in this relationship and that is sufficient to end it. Can someone really see your self holding in such as this for the next few years? If you don’t dial straight back the thoughts and simply see this as one thing fun/casual?